The most dreaded phrase in the world… "Can we be friends?" It's the most used break up line around, but it is also something that has to be faced when a relationship is finally over. Or in many cases "should we be friends?" And if so, "how will that friendship be defined?
Whether it was a marriage or a deep partnership, many issues must be taken care of when the romance ends. In the case of divorce, there are legal processes to handle such as property being divided up etc.
Decisions may have to be made about the friends the two of you have and whether those friendships can or should continue.Take priority first on the "business" end of your relationship.
The first step in healing yourself is to "NOT" be concerned about the place your ex will hold in your future.You need time and space to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that arose from that experience between the two of you.Use hobbies or favorite activities to keep yourself mentally driven and active.In a lot of cases exercising or some type of sports can relieve the stress and anxiety of the situation. REMEMBER "fix yourself first"
If there is a possibility that a friendship may evolve with an ex, make sure you take the necessary time to fully
understand your motives and reasons for pursuing that friendship. Do not rush in at the thought, thinking the break up will go smoother by being friends. Be careful what defines a friendship, will it be just conversation, some sort of connection, kids or maybe interests you both may have had in the past. Again, keep in mind that your main goal is to find closure in the relationship
Make a list of pros and cons of having a friendship with your former partner. Also realizing that those same reasons that led to the relationship's end may be critical points that make a friendship with your ex an unfavorable idea. In reality you must acknowledge the fact that someone who was once an important part of your past may not have a place in your future.
Make yourself a set of rules and stick to them! It's a very common thing to happen to bump into a partner from the past and go for a friendly drink and then you have a few more drinks, the "old fire" starts to get rekindled about the "good old times" and the next thing you know things are happening that you will regret in the morning. If you start to notice your feelings wondering........STOP and stand firm, remember, "set your limits."
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